And She’s Off…
I gave her a final hug in the security check line, the last possible place I could physically touch her without an altercation with the TSA agent that was already giving me the side eye. As she crept forward in line, I ran alongside the flimsy barrier to try and catch a few final glimpses of her. I scanned the individual queues and spotted her with the security agent she was showing her documents to. I scooted, like a crazed stalker, slinking, half run/walking, further down the large hall towards a strategically placed large glass window. This window is in the direct line of sight of the escalator that carries passengers leaving the security area towards the awaiting trains that will take them to their terminals, gates, and eventual planes.
In my frenzied moments of watching her from afar in the airport security line I struggled with my anxiety; “‘where is she? I can’t see her, why is she taking so long, she should have picked the shorter line, i hope she remembered to take her laptop out” my monkey mind raced. Suddenly she came into my view, unruffled, beautiful, confident and poised, stepping gracefully onto that escalator.
In retrospect I saw her process through that security check as a symbolic place of her metamorphosis. On this day, 21 years from the day of her birth, 21 years of living at our semi neurotic pace, of moving primarily as we do and as we directed her to, she has found her own cadence, sorting how she wants to move, which line she wants to choose, how quickly she wants to unlace and lace her shoes. She was hitting her own stride.
It reminded me of those times when we step off of a moving walkway, we have been taken along for the ride at the mechanical pace that was set for us. The walkway eventually ends, we actually see solid ground drawing closer, and as we step off we are left to find our own rhythm of propulsion forward. There is a little awkward step, a stumble sometimes, and then the security of finding our feet beneath us, solid, moving us forward.
That delightfully elegant young woman that appeared on the escalator heading towards her train was my baby, now heading off on her own into the world. She was oblivious to my deranged existence spying on her through that window as she began her decent to the platform. The woman standing behind her saw me right away, smiling to me compassionately. My panic rising and my heart sinking I thought to myself, she wasn’t going to look up, she wasn’t going to notice me. Then finally, at the last minute before she was to be completely out of sight, she glanced up, spotted me and gave me a tender wave.
And she was off.
I turned sharply, eyes stinging, and headed into the dark depths of the cold parking garage.